2018-part 2 The Bottom Drops Out

Posted on by jactucke

*This is Part two of a possible four part series on “2018.” If you haven’t read the first one yet, here is the link. Go back, read it, then come back for this one.*

Well, well, well. You’re back! I promise this second one will be just about as gut wrenching as the first one. But the biggest takeaway is that God reached out to us through the darkness and comforted us. That’s the only way I can keep saying confidently that everything is and will be just fine. Now, on to the next week.

Just before dad passed, probably the month prior, we found out that we were going to have another kiddo! Oh happy day! It takes an act of Congress for us to get pregnant and we did it all on our own this time! It was so stinking amazing! In the middle of the stuff going on with the Wildman, we had a flicker of light and joy.

The day after dad’s funeral, we went for our first sonogram in Lubbock. We got into the office and sat in the waiting room with nervous excitement. We had joy in this rough time.

Our tech called us back. She squirted the goop stuff and got to work. We had shared some baby experiences with this tech before, actually with both of our prior pregnancies. The mood went from light to a little more subdued and finally somber. She asked where we were in our pregnancy. Jeg told her and she nodded her head.

Honestly, her voice turned into Charlie Brown’s teacher then for me. Jeg can explain this part better than me. I immediately knew something wasn’t right. We had to sit on this vague visit for a week before we got any kind of answers. It had to be one of the most agonizing weeks that either one of us had to date (mind you, my dad had literally died the week before.)

Our doctor told us that our baby stopped growing in the weeks before the sonogram. We had miscarried our new kiddo. That information flooded my mind and buried me under the surf. I wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. And that was just me. It doesn’t even come close to what Jeg was feeling.

They told us that Jeg would pass the baby naturally. So we got to play the waiting game all over again. I dealt with it by not really dealing with it. I’d talk with my buddies Scott and Tanner and try to explain my feelings, but it was just tough. Yeah, Jeg and I talked about what was going on too, but we didn’t get very deep. How could we? We were walking on the edge of this knife waiting for the final slice.

We decided that some kind of change was needed. We had to snap this stupid funk that the devil was trying to put on us. So we did what anyone who was completely overwhelmed with life and put our house up for sale. 😳

The day our house was being shown to the eventual buyer, something happened. It was roughly a month-ish after the sonogram and Jeg started bleeding. Not, “Oh no…I’m bleeding” but “Holy crap, you’re bleeding…like a lot.” And guess where I was? Two and a half hours away on a pipe recovery job.

When I got that call, my mind flashed back to a month prior when dad died. It was just fear that washed over me instead of peace. I might have kept it cool on the outside, but I was 100 percent afraid that I was gonna lose my best friend.

I thank God every day for the folks I was working with that day. My engineer and company man caught wind of what was going on and they shut down the job and we took off to Levelland. Both of them had been exactly where I was right then and they knew how important it was for me to be there at Jeg’s side.

Another big blessing was that NanaMary, Jeg’s stepmom, was with her until I got there from Odessa. She got her to the ER in Lubbock and threw her weight around to get her admitted. (Not exactly sure how that went, but I just know Mary was all momma bear status and it was awesome.) The attending doctor (who was a former OB/GYN) examined Jeg and said that she was hemorrhaging and part of what was supposed to be passed was still attached and causing the massive bleeding. If she hadn’t gotten there when she did and gotten help, she would have bled out. That was all before I even got there.

When I arrived, all the major excitement was over. We were just left with the weird emotional hangover that I guess comes with narrowly avoiding death. We were discharged and we went home. Just like that, it was all over.

Well, it wasn’t over. It was all just the beginning of us picking up the pieces of our life all over again and handing them to God to do something with. Patch us back together, throw us back together, just do something. We needed something. Some kind of answer to all the pain that we were walking through.

We’re pretty private people. We spent many years in the spotlight and under a microscope through ministry work. This wasn’t a story that we wanted to tell people every other week and it sure wasn’t a story to be told through a game of telephone. The help and support might have been there, but it sure didn’t feel like it. We were treated like we had the plague from most folks. It was just a level of loneliness that we had never experienced before

People who have gone through losing a baby will understand what I’m saying here. Nobody really knows what they need to say or even what they can say. I can say confidently on my end of things, that I was lost and just flat out sad. I didn’t know what to say to my wife, who was absolutely wrecked. What do we do?

Well, we got up and went to church. We sought after God. We figured out what He said about our situation and tried our hardest to apply it.

Second Samuel 12:16-24 talks about David losing his son. Now, this is due to him jacking around with Bathsheba, but his kid gets sick and he goes into mourning and the child dies. After the boy’s death, in verses 23 and 24 he explains what he’s doing.

“But why should I fast when he is dead? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him one day, but he cannot return to me.” Then David comforted Bathsheba, his wife…”

We can’t turn back time and change what happened. All we can do is have our time of mourning and grief. Then, trust that God has got our kiddo there with Him and know that we will go to see them one day. That’s it.

Like I said in the last post, over time things heal and change, but nothing ever goes back to the way it was. Just like in the loss of my dad, this loss left a hole. A little, baby shaped hole. When you really think about it and focus on it, a whole life is supposed to be in that hole. But you have to realize that the only thing you can fill that hole with is the peace and comfort that only the Holy Ghost can bring you. In John 14:16 it says, “And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby), to be with you forever—” That’s the skinny of it. The only way y’all make it through.

I realize that there is still a ton of unpacking to do in the situation, but that is the barebones of it. Trust that God is still going to have your back. Trust that He is faithful and He is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than we can even ask or think. Trust that He is going to lead you and your family out of this valley and back to the mountaintop in His glory.

Phew! That was heavy. It’s so tough writing about this because you wind up revisiting and rehashing it all over again. But this is gonna bless someone. To know that someone went through it and made it out is going to encourage somebody out there.

Thanks for reading folks. Stay tuned for part three of “2018” because the hits just just kept coming that year. Y’all stay safe out there.

Drifting Away

Posted on by jactucke


The other day whilst parousing the depths of the Internet, I glanced at an article that I thought was click bait. You know, one of those sites that has the super attractive headline, only to have you wade through an endless stream of ads for testosterone booster and that one fruit that is a miracle cure. 

Anyways, I moved on without clicking. But yesterday, my wife sends it to me. This time, it was from the Independent Journal Review. The headline read, “Christian Pastor Rob Bell Suggests Ignoring the Bible to Help the Church Stay Relevant.”

Excuse me? As I read further, Mr. Bell and his wife were on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday special talking about homosexuality and the church. When asked if the church closer to accepting homosexuality, he replied:

“I think culture is already there and the church will continue to be even more irrelevant when it quotes letters from 2,000 years ago as their best defense…”

Let’s stop right there. To even think that a pastor…of a church…who pours into thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of people…suggested to ignore the Word in order to “accept” people in their sin. 
But this isn’t the first time Mr. Bell has raised eyebrows. In his book, Love Wins, he dismisses the idea of Hell to make Christianity a little more attractive to new believers. But let’s get back to where our journey started. 

Bell implies that the Word is becoming too old to be relevant in our changing world. I guess that since it doesn’t mention smartphones and the Internet, people nowadays won’t be able to relate. 

Homosexuality seems to be a touchy subject within the church. Bell suggests changing or moving beyond the Word to meet people where they are, even if it means accepting their sin. My issue isn’t with his stance on homosexuality, it’s with his dismissal of the Word with such ease. 

The Word warns us about adding or taking away from the text. In Proverbs 30:6, it says, “Do not add to his words, or he may rebuke you and expose you as a liar.” In 2 Peter 1:20-21, it says “For no prophecy was ever produced by the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.” And numerous others from Revelation and Deuteronomy talk about not adding or subtracting. 

You can even argue that Mr. Bell is merely saying to ignore the scripture’s stance on homosexuality, not the entire Bible. Well, that’s like taking an Exacto knife and cutting out the pieces that you don’t like, effectively making it your own personal version of the Bible. But there’s a scripture for that as well. 

Take 2 Timothy 3:16-17. It says, “All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.” That being said, EVERYTHING in the Word is useful. EVERYTHING is meant to teach and instruct us how to live. That doesn’t say “take this out when society changes.” 

Society is gonna change. Cultural norms are gonna change. But as Christians, we are given a book that defines our right and wrong. It literally lays out the framework for a great life. There most beautiful thing about it? It doesn’t change. 

“The grass withers and the flowers fade, but the word of our God stands forever.””

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭40:8‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Mr. Bell, I can see where you are going with your view, but I can confidently say that you’re off base. The thing that stinks about this is that you were given a platform and you told everyone to just ignore what you have been teaching out of for decades. 

What I would like to encourage you to do is get in your Word. Start off in John and explore the story of Jesus. Find out what He’s done for you through His sacrifice on the cross. It’s through that sacrifice that you can receive salvation and begin to walk with God as it was intended from the very beginning. 

Thanks for the read. Please feel free to comment below and do me a favor, like and share this with your friends. Y’all be safe out there. 

Broken

Posted on by jactucke

Broken pieces actin’ like we ain’t cracked; But we all messed up and can’t no one escape that

    -Lecrae “Broken“

Where to begin? If that guy would have just cooperated. If that dude hadn’t pulled the trigger. Black lives matter. White lives matter. Blue lives matter. All lives matter.

We live in a world where corruption reigns. There is no Cinderella story for the little guy, because the little guy is screaming injustice and waiting for their handout. And the big guy, what are they doing? They are just complaining about the little guy. 

Our world is broken. Society is broken. What was once a strong nation is now hanging on by a thread. That thread is the hope that we can be better.

The only way we can become better is noticing that there is a problem. Unfortunately, the problem always diverted by pointing fingers. 

When I was a kid, I was told never to point and blame because you always had three fingers pointing right back at you. If only people would use this childish rationale, things would get a whole lot better. 

We are all broken people with flaws. The biggest problem lies within each and every one of us. We think that our opinion is right and there is never anything wrong with us. The problem is always elsewhere. 

The Word says in Romans 2:1, “Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.”  We aren’t supposed to cast judgement on others, it just condemns ourselves.  

Grace must be given to others because it was first given to us by God. Should we have the opportunity to even be forgiven for the crap that we do? No, but God does it anyway because of grace. 

So what should we do? We should model ourselves after the One who gives grace to us. 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

2 Corintians 12:9 ESV

We are broken people, living in a broken world, searching for someone to put us back together again. And the only way for that to happen is to experience the fullness of grace through Abba God. 

Today, right now, in this moment, get on your knees and pray. Thank God for the air you breathe, for rolling out of bed, and for guidance in understanding how to exhibit HIS grace in our life. Lecrae said it pretty well:  Ain’t a soul on the planet; That’s better than another; And we all need grace in the face of each other

Thanks for reading. Y’all be safe out there.